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篇一：英语演讲幽默故事
七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿
do you like stories?
i want to tell you a true story.
it happened to a friend of mine a year ago.
while my friend ,george, was reading in bed, two thieves climbed into his kitchen. after they had entered the house,
they went into the dining room.
it was very dark,
so they turned on a torch.
suddenly, they heard a voice behind them. ‘what’s up? what’s up?’someone called. the thieves dropped the torch
and ran away as quickly as they could.
george heard the noise
and came downstairs quickly.
he turned on the light,
but he couldn’t see anyone.
the thieves had already gone.
but george’s parrot, hey, was still there. ‘what’s up, george?’he called.‘nothing, hey.’george said and smiled. ‘go back to sleep.’篇二：初中英语演讲幽默故事
bighead
“wheres the shopping bag?”
“i havent got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
good boy
little robert asked his mother for two cents. what did you do with the money i gave you yesterday?
i gave it to a poor old woman, he answered.
youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. here are two cents more. but why are you so interested in the old woman?
she is the one who sells the candy.
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
where is the father?
two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
look, said the elder brother. how nice these paintings are!
yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the
children. where is the father?
the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, obviously he was painting the pictures.
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
an alarm clock
a young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. one night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ excuse me, sir. will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? im going to take the five oclock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ i am afraid i cant. i dont get up that early. ”the young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ do you have an alarm clock? that would help me. ”
“ yes, here it is, young man. ”
the young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. but when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
“ does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.
“ sure! just shake it when its time to get up, and itll ring. ”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”“我有，给你，年轻人。”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。 “它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。”
one engine left
a 747 was halfway across the atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, attention, passengers. we have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach london with the three we have left. unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult.shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captains voice again, guess what, folks. we just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. we will now arrive in london three hours late.at this point, one passenger became furious. for petes sake, he shouted, if we lose another engine, well be up here all night!
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”篇三：英语演讲幽默开场白
英语演讲幽默开场白
作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.
幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works. i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes
幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常 紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.
幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.
幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
篇二：英语笑话-Great Event 林肯过生日
英语笑话:Great Event 林肯过生日
Great Event
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 林肯过生日
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕·林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？ 小威利：亚伯拉罕·林肯过他的三周岁生日。
篇三：英语故事
mothers' day history 母亲节的由来
Origin of Mother's Day goes back to the era of ancient Greek and Romans. But the roots of Mother's Day history can also be traced in UK where a Mothering Sunday was celebrated much before the festival saw the light of the day in US. However, the celebration of the festival as it is seen today is a recent phenomenon and not even a hundred years old. Thanks to the hard work of the pioneering women of their times, Julia Ward Howe and Anna Jarvis that the day came into existence. Today the festival of
Mothers day is celebrated across 46 countries (though on different dates) and is a hugely popular affair. Millions of people across the globe take the day as an opportunity to honor their mothers, thank them for their efforts in giving them life, raising them and being their constant support and well wisher.......
参考译文：
母亲节的起源可以追溯到古希腊和罗马时代。但是，母亲节的历史根源可追溯到英国也如母亲节的庆祝活动多在节日前看到了美国光天化日之下。然而，作为它被认为是今天的节日庆祝活动是一个新现象，甚至没有一百年的历史。到了这时代的创业妇女辛勤工作表示感谢，朱丽娅伍德霍夫和安娜贾维斯这一天诞生。今天是母亲节当天在46个国家庆祝（尽管在不同的日期），是一个非常受欢迎的事情。全球各地的千百万人请一天为契机，他们的母亲团聚，感谢给予他们的生活，提高他们，是他们的一贯支持和祝福者以及他们的努力。........
Tags: 英语母亲节历史 , 英语小故事 , 关于母亲节的英语小故事 ,
小学生英语演讲：大自然是我们的母亲nature is our mother
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I`m so happy to stand here. My name is Li Qian,I`m from Gaoyu primary school.Today my topic is “nature is our mother”.
I think everyone here maybe have this experience ,when you are little girl ,you often ask your mother:
"Mom, I'm sorry, I need 100 yuan to have dinner with my friends." "Mom, tomorrow is my friend`s birthday, I must buy her a present."
"Mom, this jacket was out of fashion, I need a new one. "。...... 参考译文：
早上好，女士们，先生们，我太高兴能站在这里。我的名字是李干，我来自高宇小学school.Today我演讲的题目是M“的本质是我们的母亲。”
我想在座的各位也许有这样的经历，当你的小女孩，你经常会问你的妈妈： “妈妈，对不起，我需要100元和我的朋友一起吃饭。”
“妈妈，明天是我的朋友'的生日，我要给她买份礼物。”
“妈妈，这件衣服过时了，我需要一个新的。”.........
Tags: mothers' , day 母亲节英语小故事 , 英语演讲 ,
10篇中英对照英语小故事
A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall.
The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he
bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.
As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:
"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."
老鼠和公牛
有一次，公牛躺着打盹，一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。公牛怒气冲冲地跳起来，低着头追老鼠，一直追过院子。然而，老鼠跑得比他快多了，从容地钻到墙洞里去了。
公牛一次又一次地猛撞墙壁，尽管头撞肿了，角撞裂了，老鼠却安然待在洞里。过了一会儿，公牛不撞了，倒下歇着。
公牛刚睡着，小老鼠就爬到洞口，嗒嗒地跑过院子，又咬了公牛一口 ?? 这回咬了鼻子 ?? 又跑回安全的地方去。当公牛毫无办法地吼叫时，老鼠吱吱叫道：
"大人物并不总占上风。有时小人物也会取胜。"
Tags: 英语小故事 , 英语短篇小故事 ,
The Story of the Christ Child and Christmas When Rome was a great
Empire ruled by Caesar Augustus and Israel was governed by King Herod, in the village of Nazareth lived Joseph and Mary. Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was a young virgin who would become his wife. Mary told
Joseph of a dream in which she was visited by an angel who told her she had been chosen to bear the Son of God and his name was to be Jesus........
参考译文：
当罗马帝国是一个伟大的奥古斯都凯撒和以色列统治被统治被希律王在拿撒勒村庄，住约瑟夫和玛丽。约瑟夫是个木匠，玛丽是一个年轻的处女谁将会成为他的妻子。玛丽说，她在其中一个是由天使是谁告诉她，她已被选定承担上帝的儿子，他的名字是耶稣约瑟访问梦想。……
Tags: 圣诞节英语故事 , Christmas story , 关于耶稣的圣诞英语故事 ,
英语双语：感恩节的由来 the history of
Thanksgiving Day
Most stories of Thanksgiving history start with the harvest celebration of the pilgrims and the Native Americans that took place in the autumn of 1621. Although they did have a three-day feast in celebration of a good harvest, and the local natives did participate, this "first thanksgiving" was not a holiday, simply a gathering. There is little evidence that this feast of thanks led directly to our modern Thanksgiving Day holiday. Thanksgiving can, however, be traced back to 1863 when Pres. Lincoln became the first president to proclaim Thanksgiving Day. The holiday has been a fixture of late November ever since.
However, since most school children are taught that the first Thanksgiving was held in 1621 with the Pilgrims and Indians, let us take a closer look at just what took place leading up to that event, and then what happened in the centuries afterward that finally gave us our modern Thanksgiving.
参考译文：
感恩与朝圣者和发生在1621年秋天举行的美洲原住民庆祝丰收的历史开始的楼层最多。虽然他们确实有一个好收成的庆祝为期三天的节日，和当地土人确实参与，这个“第一次感恩节”是不放假，只是一个聚会。很少有证据表明，这直接导致的感谢我们的节日感恩节假期现代化。感恩可以，但是，要追溯到1863年的时候普雷什。林肯成为第一位总统宣布感恩节。这个节日一直是11月下旬以来，夹具。
然而，由于大多数学校教导孩子们第一次感恩节是在1621年举行的朝圣者和印第安人，只是让我们看看发生了什么导致这一事件仔细一看，然后又如何在数百年之后，终于发生了我们的现代感恩节。
Tags: Thanksgiving Day , 关于感恩节的英语故事 ,
My father 我的父亲
My father was an exceptional man. He may not have been a perfect man. But he was a good man. And he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified…sending. Is that really so much to ask?
So... Maybe... Maybe he had some things he liked to do. Life isn't simple. It's complicated. We're all just thrown in here together in a world full of chaos（混沌，混乱） and confusion, a world full of questions and no answers, with Death always lingering（徘徊，沉思） around the corner. And we do our best. We can't always do our best. My dad did it best. He always tried to tell me, you have to go for what you want in life, because you never know how long you're gonna be here. And whether you succeed or you fail, the most important thing is to have tried. A parent can only drive you in the right direction. In the end though, you've got to run for yourself. You have to grow up yourself.
So when you leave here today, I'd like you to remember my father for what he really was--a decent and loving man. If only（要是……多好） we could be as giving and generous and understanding as my father was. Then the world would be a far better place.
Tags: 关于父爱的英语故事 , father story ,
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a
mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
翻译：
一位老妇有一只猫。猫很老，她无法运行很快，她咬不了，因为年纪太大了。有一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，她跳起来，抓住了老鼠。但她咬不了它，因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
Tags: 英语小故事 , 关于猫的英语故事 , cat ,
Beauty 美丽人生
There were a sensitivity and a beauty to her that have nothing to do with looks. She was one to be listened to, whose words were so easy to take to heart.
It is said that the true nature of being is veiled. The labor of words, the expression of art, the seemingly ceaseless buzz that is human thought all have in common the need to get at what really is so. The hope to draw close to and possess the truth of being can be a feverish one. In some
cases it can even be fatal, if pleasure is one’s truth and its attainment more important than life itself. In other lives, though, the search for what is truthful gives life.
I used to find notes left in the collection basket, beautiful notes about my homilies and about the writer’s thoughts on the daily scriptural readings. The person who penned the notes would add reflections to my thoughts and would always include some quotes from poets and mystics he or she had read and remembered and loved. The notes fascinated me. Here was someone immersed in a search for truth and beauty. Words had been treasured, words that were beautiful. And I felt as if the words somehow delighted in being discovered, for they were obviously very generous to the
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